ugh! I miss blogging!

hello my friends. I know, I know, its been awhile. I'm doing well. I really am. My weigh loss has sloooooowed down but only because I haven't been doing too much. I haven't stopped, I didn't quit. I promise. I just got busy. REALLY REALLY busy. I know my last blog (on September 27th) explained why I was so busy but I really thought it would slow down, only it hasn't. :) I love my job, I'm just going to have to learn to straighten out my schedule so I can allow time for exercise. It started out as being slammed. The moments I was away from my computer made me feel guilty. I literally became an editing zombie. When I was with my kids, I had to work REALLY hard to not think about what sessions need to be edited. It really is a mind thing. As of right now, I have forced myself to go back to my old ways of time management and its actually working out very well. Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday 7am-330pm I'm DEVOTED to photography. Editing, answering emails and messages, planning, scheduling, ordering, etc. WEDNESDAYS I'm off and every other weekend I'm off (the weekends I have my kids) I may shoot sessions but I WILL NOT sit at this computer and edit like before... I'm off, my family needs me and I need the time to recoup. I lived by this schedule before and I was MUCH happier, I got side tracked because of my hard drive issues and having to catch up and kept telling myself "its ok, I'll only work for a little bit while the kids watch tv" and the whole weekend slipped by and aside from cooking meals, they were left to entertain themselves. Gah, THAT makes me feel guilty. More so than anything. Time is slipping away and I do NOT want them to remember their childhood as "mommy worked a lot and edited a lot and we didn't do that much together" that will NOT happen. I have cut back on how many sessions I shoot each month as well. I don't have to and I won't take every client that comes my way. It's OK to say "I'm sorry, I'm booked" and leave some days open to spend frog catching or giving the dogs a bath together or playing with the stupid chickens! :) That's what I want my children to remember when they grow up. That their mom made time for them. Always. :)

Same with my health. I HAVE to make time for it. I have gotten back on the bandwagon of getting up at the buttcrack of dawn and although I won't go to the park and walk, I do have a long driveway and I get out there and confuse the hell out of my dogs because I will walk it back and forth for at least 30 minutes getting my heart rate up. I know I've "slacked" a little. I've let myself get comfortable BUT I haven't gained any weight back and I am still making healthy choices. It's just not as strict as it was before. I'm getting back into the swing of things though and I can say, I have way more energy and I'm happier. So, before you start in on the "oh God, another instagram post of what Wendy made for dinner" beware. I'm going grocery shopping either today or tomorrow and I have a whole list of new recipes I can't wait to try and they will be filtered, hashtagged and posted on my instagram. :) (and most likely facebook too)

@justwinny is my instagram... follow me <3

Next up on my to do list is measuring! I haven't measured since August 17th so I'm going to do that to see where I am... :)

starting weight- 319
this morning my scale said 287

:) BIG SMILE. yeah, I'm still "fat" and I have a long way to go but 32 pounds is great. I love hearing from people that I haven't seen in awhile that they can really tell I've lost weight. :) I have a personal goal by my birthday that is going to push me HARD the next few weeks. My birthday is November 8th. I want to work my butt off and lose 15 more pounds by my birthday. I think its doable... we will see. :) The best thing about this whole journey in setting goals isn't reaching them or falling short but learning about yourself. I have learned SO much about myself since I decided to change my way of living. SO much. <3

Have a healthy day!
<3 Wendy

Who's a SLACKER? ME!

I apologize for the lack of posts here lately, I have really been busy. I had a computer hard drive screw up and I lost SEVERAL edited sessions including an entire wedding and I've had to back track and re edit a SHIT LOAD of images! I'm racing the clock here and I'm running low on energy and patience....

Which brings me to my next point: I have NO clue how much I weigh, NO clue how I'm doing and I'm terrified to check. HA! I have very little energy and I'm a straight up BITCH to be around right now...I have been drinking water still, I have been TRYING to eat healthy but I have fallen back in the eating once a day thing and little to ZERO exercise. I literally have NO time for it. Any of it. I'm STUCK at my computer all day and through the night editing fat rolls and blemishes, darkening, brightening, adjusting, saving, filing, burning, finalizing... Which probably explains why I'm so short tempered and spastic lately... Bless the hearts of my children, they have seen psycho mom a few times this past week... I still have healthy, clean eating on my mind and I work hard to make good choices but one apple and a home made grilled chicken wrap with spinach leaves and avocado and Greek yogurt for an ENTIRE DAY is NOT good...  I'm not trying to starve myself and I'm really not trying to screw this up, I just am SO slammed. I've had probably 12 hours of sleep in the last 3 days... Sleep is just as important as eating healthy and exercising. After I get all of this under control and everything calms down a bit, I promise to be back at it full force! I have noticed my yoga pants and sweat pants are too big... (when I wear pants) that's probably NOT a good thing since I know it's most likely due to not eating like I should. It doesn't matter what anyone says, NOT EATING (STARVING) IS NOT GOOD FOR YOU! Your body needs food for energy and energy to burn actual fat. I do NOT recommend not eating at all. I can tell my skin is less bright, almost greyish at times and I have bags under my eyes. What I'm putting my body through right now is NOT good. It will get better. I can see the light at the end of this darkness and I'll be back on track!

Just a little bump in the road. A little hiccup. Say a prayer for me :)

<3 Wendy

Backsliding... just a little...

Many of you have asked why I haven't been posting as much lately and in a nutshell, without going into too many details, here is why:

1. I've been mother frickin' SLAMMED with work. (Photography) and I LOVE IT! But I'm busting my ass trying to get these sessions out quickly because I know my work load is about to blow up in the coming months. The sessions I have scheduled along with fall/Christmas sessions AND the weddings I have in coming weeks are keeping me seriously busy. I love it. I love working with each family/couple/senior/child etc. I. LOVE. MY. JOB!  But with my ADD, its difficult to stay on task. I get side tracked so I've been gluing myself to photoshop getting these sessions cranked out before I get distracted so I've stayed off the internet (aside from my phone or facebook in between files loading)

2. I'm looking for a Monday-Friday 9-5ish job! Nothing is going wrong with photography, I'm doing fine there but strictly for health insurance purposes. I NEED HEALTH INSURANCE! I have a few medical conditions that I have to get checked out and I hear if you don't have insurance by next year, you'll get fined or some crap... just what I need... Thanks a lot Obama.

3. I've been broke as a joke. Ain't no lie. My washer broke TWICE and I had to get it fixed and a few other financial hiccups and its just been a crazy 2 weeks... I couldn't afford to really buy completely clean so I was having to work hard to figure out how I can eat along with still allowing my kids to eat the things they love and need... its been tough... this week is looking up though, I'm going grocery shopping today and I'm actually excited about it!

The key is sticking with it. Yes, I have fallen short this past week/week and a half but I'm getting right back up there and starting again. I have drank my water like I was supposed to and I've been trying to make good choices with what I have available... I think I'm doing good and I'm proud of myself. Just because I have a little bump in the road doesn't mean I'm going to give up. I'm still determined to make this my life. Its literally all I think about and last week when I was forced to eat a grilled cheese because that was literally all I had in my house, I ate it (on whole grain bread) and made myself understand that you gotta do what you gotta do but as long as you keep on trying, you still win. I'm proud of myself. Despite the not so good choices and the back sliding a little, I'm proud that I knew I was going to get up and dust myself off and keep going. :)

I lost 5 more lbs just so you know. :) I'm down 29lbs total! :) Sure, that could be "water weight" or whatever but I wore pants I wasn't able to fit in this time last year to the wedding I shot on Saturday! Boo-Ya! :)

Exercise
Healthy Choices
Water
Eating several times a day
Having and keeping a positive attitude.
That's my life. And I'm proud of it! <3


Have A Healthy Day! <3
<3 Wendy

Who farted? hahaha

I haven't blogged in awhile. For a few reasons. Some personal, some obvious, some just laziness. In the time I have taken away from blogging, I have noticed something that I am going to share with you...

Farting. I have been known to "shake the walls of the Westin" when I fart. I have been known to "fart like a trucker" and I have been known to "blow your boots off" when I fart... I. FART. I try to be lady like and not fart in public, but my close friends, my kids, my ex husband (haha oh i bet he misses that SO much) and even my sweet boyfriend are well aware that I simply fart like a man when I fart... go big or go home, right? lol

Now, women are very sensitive about farting. They don't like doing it, admitting to it or even saying the word "fart." I was not allowed to say it growing up, but guess what, Mom, remember when you would say "when you grow up and get your own house, you can say (buy, do, live, eat) how you want but as long as you live with me, you will not say (buy, do, live, eat) that!" :) haha

 fart. Fart. FART! ;)

 Toot, poot, fluff... are more acceptable but I strongly believe "fart" is better than saying "anal acoustics" or "blasting the ass trumpet" so see, it could always be worse. :)

I'm not rude, I wouldn't fart if I were in church or um... at a wedding or... in serious situations but I do fart.  I don't go all honey boo boo and blast one off in the middle of a restaurant or store but, our living room, the car and quiet moments laying in bed watching tv are fair game in this family... and the point of this post is to let you know about a discovery I've made regarding farting.

Since I've been eating clean, I haven't had the victorious chance to blow the sheets off the bed with an earth shattering fart. Ask Bruce (my boyfriend) He's the one that brought it to my attention. He was very happy to discover that I haven't been farting lately. He's just mad because my farts have meaning and his are girly. ;) I haven't been rocking the panty burps like usual. And here is why. I decided to do some research on this. Turns out eating things like carbs and beans (yeah, we knew that already) and fried foods make you fart more. Eating clean is good for your farts. :) Not chewing your food well can cause you to have excessive gas because your body is working overtime to break the food down.

Here's how I figured this out. I have eaten clean the entire month of August. I worked really hard to make sure nothing that went into my body was unclean. (or i tried really hard and did really good) Then, we had a few financial issues and some other situations that took place in September and I sort of back tracked a little. I am still drinking water but the eating hasn't been the cleanest... I'll explain more on that with tomorrow's blog post. So, August was pretty much fart free. Now... let's just say I have begun the one man jazz band again and Bruce has noticed that as well... (Gah, guys are SO sensitive when you out fart them LOL)

Anyway, I know some of you are disgusted by this post and probably won't read another one or some of you are thinking I'm so nasty... those are probably the people who "don't fart" and the same people (unlike me still at 30 years old) that don't giggle when the ketchup bottle makes a fart noise. :) Truth is, everyone farts. Moms, dads, grandmas, The Queen of England, your neighbors, your pastor or Sunday School teacher and even sexy, hot Adam Levine and Johnny Depp... yep, they all fart... It's natural and your body's way of releasing gas (hydrogen, nitrogen, oxygen and even methane) but, as it turns out, eating cleaner and healthier and keeping the chemicals out of your body as much as possible help in the breakdown of your flatulence. :) That is all!

Have A Healthy Day
Wendy <3

My Food Addiction (Part 1)

I have said this before... but I didn't grow up with a weight problem. I was born an average size, I lived a healthy lifestyle thanks to my Mother who taught us to make good choices in the things we ate. We always ate at the table, together and our meals were ALWAYS healthy and nutritious. My mother grew up with a weigh issue. She didn't want her children to grow up like that so we always had access to granola bars and rice cakes, fruits and veggies...We weren't deprived, (we would have Mcdonalds every now and then and I remember once my Mema's best friend bringing me twinkies when I had the chicken pox...she put them in the mailbox so she wouldn't be exposed to me and yelled from the car that she loved me and hoped I felt better soon lol) We were a healthy family. In school, although I thought I was fat, I wasn't. I was always tall so I always weighed a little more than my friends but I wasn't anywhere near fat...I wish I saw how thin I was back then...

My weight issues started after I got married. Please keep in mind, I'm NOT bashing anyone in this post. I'm simply stating the facts that lead up to the issues I face today. My ex husband and I got married when I was 18. He was 21. We were married for 11 years and we have 4 beautiful children. I got pregnant with my first baby a month after we got married, my 2nd came along 16 months later and we had a small 2 year break then baby number 3 and 4 came only 14 months apart from each other... Our lives were a whirlwind of emotions so fast. My ex husband would say things that were awful. That people who love each other shouldn't say to each other. I was constantly called names and put down. See, I was the strong one in our relationship. Not physically, but I could handle emotions from the stress, the money issues, the craziness better than he could. He would lash out at me because, overall, I could take it. I forgave easily (and still do) I knew his words were just said in anger but they hurt nonetheless. I turned to food to help heal my emotions. To hide them. To make up for the hurt. I slowly became addicted to food. I guess I should be happy it wasn't drugs or alcohol, but food addiction can kill you just as much as the other addictions can. (I'm learning more and more about this every day.) Every time I was called a "fat worthless bitch" I'd cry to my best friend over ice cream and I'd feel better. I'd make unhealthy things to eat because it made my husband happy. Different situations and arguments and stress and money issues (I am by NO means saying I was the perfect wife, I had my share of downfalls) I sunk deeper and deeper into food addiction. I taught myself not to eat all day and then binge on snacks late at night while talking to my best friend on the phone for hours about how shitty our lives had become. No one could see how much I ate because everyone was asleep. I learned really quick that a big pan of cheesy, buttery, fattening homemade mac and cheese and fried chicken and homemade-let them rise all day- yeast rolls literally made me HAPPY. I even went to school for culinary arts because I just love food SO much. Food makes me happy. Hell, it still does.  The wrong foods though... By the time my ex husband and I decided that our relationship was going no where, there was so much damage done to me mentally, verbally and emotionally (and I'm sure to him as well it was just a sad situation) I was full blown depending on food to get me through the hard times. I gained a lot of weight. Keep in mind, I have forgiven him for everything from our past and he's forgiven me, but our relationship was just toxic to each other. We are MUCH better friends and parents apart than we ever were together... That's how it goes sometimes. He's a good person with a good heart, he was just married to the wrong person. Vise versa...

After our separation, and divorce, I started NOT eating. Not because I wanted to starve myself but because my metabolism just went to shit. I would literally eat once a day. Which isn't good AT ALL. That one meal was usually dinner and it was usually a bad choice. A quick fix because life got hectic. I would still hide and eat things when I was stressed or upset, but usually I was so busy trying to make a life for me and my kids that I didn't really have time to eat more than one time in a whole day... Things just spiraled downward and before I knew it, I was over 300lbs and miserable.

My food addiction is just like an alcohol addiction. I can't just have one honey bun or one yeast roll because I will figure out a way to justify why I can have more and before I know it, I've had 3. This is more mental for me than anything because even though I feel like I'm doing a good job at handling the temptation of my food choices, I know I can slip at any moment. So, when you see me post things like "I miss bread" or "I miss beer" I'm not allowing myself to have those things right now until I get better control over it. I know people say you shouldn't deprive yourself but you don't deprive yourself when you are on a diet. I'm not on a diet. I'm changing my lifestyle. A recovering alcoholic wouldn't just have one shot or one beer, they steer clear of it because one will lead to more which will lead to having to start all over again. That's my frame of mind right now. I have to steer clear of the things (like Pizza) that tempt me and surround myself with good healthy clean choices or I fear I will backslide and end right back at square one again... This is a slower process for me. I'm not losing weight super fast because I'm not on a diet or looking for a quick fix. I'm changing everything in my life slowly so that it will STAY changed in the long run. This is me now. I'm working hard on beating obesity because I want to live to see my babies have babies and so on... If I continue down the road to eating like I was, I won't even live to see my children become teenagers. True story.

Have A Healthy Day
<3 Wendy









 

Bloom where you are planted!

 These words could never ever be truer. No matter where you end up, shine on and look up! Make the most of what you have and BE THANKFUL!

Bloom where you are planted! 

A positive attitude, a humble spirit, a thankful heart and a sound mind. That's what I strive for. 

I recently had to change my whole life around. In more ways than one. I have been put in a place that I WAS NOT happy about. One example, I had to move. I had to make some changes in my life that I really didn't want to make. I was not happy about the move. I was not happy about where I moved. (there are spiders here the size of house cats) BUT slowly and surely, its been unfolding right before my eyes exactly why I'm supposed to be here. RIGHT HERE. I let go of that negativity and have started to bloom here, where I was planted. Life gives us bumps and curves and it's okay. The speed bumps in life may slow you down but they won't stop you. :) I have learned to just keep moving forward... and how to kill cat sized spiders like a true ninja! :) 

Have A Healthy Day
<3 Wendy

Time to STEP IT UP!

SOOOO, I had a little hate on my blog the other day and I just want to say that it will NOT be tolerated. Negative comments will be deleted. This is a POSITIVE change in my life and I hope to inspire people in a POSITIVE manner and negativity is just not an option. :)

That's all I'll say about that again. NO more attention will be brought to that subject. :)

Weekends are SO difficult for me. Not so much on the exercising part but on the drinking water part and the eating part. Not so much eating healthy but eating at all... I find myself slipping back into my old ways of eating like once per day and that is NOT good. It's mostly because I stay busy shooting or spending time with my family on the weekends. I don't edit on the weekends that I have my kids because I try hard to spend all my time with them. So, we are usually busy goofing off or whatever... I make them food but I usually don't or can't eat what I make them so I say I'll make myself something later and I just don't.

Football season is about to start...excuse me, by the time you crazy fans read this, it WILL have started, and that means parties and bonfires and get togethers and FOOD.... but most importantly BEER! Ack. I really do love beer. I have decided to not drink any right now. I'm not a huge drinker but I do really just love beer. The off the wall types of beer, not your major brands (although, I do like those too) I think maybe it goes back to the bread thing... bread, yeast, beer... I dunno... lol maybe I was a man in a past life. :)

Anyway, I won't be drinking... much... the rest of this year... just part of me trying to discipline myself... so if any of yall need a DD, I'm your water drinkin' girl! :) I'm not trying to deprive myself, just trying hard to keep control of what I put in my body. Again, I'm not a heavy drinker so this won't be nearly as difficult as mother freakin' BREAD! lol

I am a yeast-roll-aholic

There. I said it. :) LOL

Last night, my sweet boyfriend brought home Little Cesar's Pizza. Again, I didn't eat much yesterday and pizza has always been a favorite food of mine... I gave in. Not only did I have one slice, but I had TWO! About 20 minutes or so after I ate it, I thought I was DYING! No lie. My stomach hurt SO bad and I was sweating and I couldn't get comfortable. I felt like I was going to pass out and I felt just awful!!! While I was eating it, he looks at me and says "Are you gonna post that on the internet?" (punk ass) I told him to shut up and I ate it anyway... I should have thrown it at him then I wouldn't have felt like that and I would have laughed at his expression after having pizza thrown at him... but I ate it and just to show his smart ass, I ate another slice... and then he was probably laughing on the inside at me groaning and fussing over my stomach hurting. He knew better than to laugh where I could see it. Sick or not, I would have KILLED him. :) He's a sweet heart though. He cleaned the entire kitchen and made sure the kids got to bed while I slept and tried and failed at making myself throw up...

No more bad foods. My body was telling me. I promise to listen from now on...Today is Sunday. I feel like I've been out partying all night long. I just feel BLAH. 4 or so weeks of eating clean and healthy and ONE night of messing it up and I totally feel like SHIT.  It's time for me to step it up and not give into the things that are clearly bad for me... the things that are clearly weighing me down. literally.

So two things. Today starts the 30 day AB challenge and tomorrow I start Focus T25. If you don't know what T25 is (because I had no freakin' clue) its from the makers of Insanity (I'm sure most of you know what that is) and Shaun T (the instructor) guides you on a 25 minute INTENSIVE workout. 25 minutes. Humm... I can do 25 minutes. I hope. I hear its a little difficult but I'm up for the challenge. here is the youtube link to watch what its about. This is going to take discipline. I'm gonna do it! :) After last nigh, I think I owe it to my body. :)

Here's my ab challenge for the month. I don't think I can do ONE sit up or push up much less as many as it says I have to do BUT I'm going to do it. I have to. I need to do a LOT more than just eating clean... time to step it up! :)

Have A Healthy Day!
<3 Wendy

Reached a Milestone!!!! WOOP WOOP!

I said I wasn't going to do it but the temptation got the better of me... 

I weighed myself today.

I had a bad day yesterday. I am getting so impatient about this stuff. I KNOW I shouldn't. I KNOW these things take time but I'm like "hey, I'm in the right frame of mind now, lets do this. I want results NOW."   I didn't walk yesterday, I didn't even do my daily exercises. In fact, other than taking my son to the doctor, I didn't do a whole lot... I got a headache and laid down and took a nap... well, the fat fairy must have visited me in my sleep because I weighed today and I must say I am VERY excited about the number that popped up on that scale! 

Can you believe that? 296.4! I'm no longer a 300lb bitch! :) I was so excited that I weighed myself like 3 times. The only thing that changed was the first time it said 296.6 then the last two times it said 296.4... I must have lost a few ounces from jumping up and down like a crazy person. :) 319 to 296...I am at a total of almost 23lbs down! I'm sure that number will change. Probably go up a little and I am NOT going to weigh myself tomorrow or anymore this week but that number just motivated me SO much. I needed that! I told myself I was going to be super excited when I reached this first little milestone and I am. I'm really proud of myself. :)

I have a LONG way to go still. I know that but this is such an awesome start that I am just beside myself! I seriously couldn't have done it without the encouragement and support from all of you reading this and keeping up with this and I am SO thankful!

I am doing this the right way. The permanent way. Once its gone, I'm never gaining it back. I know that without a doubt. My life has changed forever. I really like it. I like the energy I have from eating clean. I like the way my face is 100% clearer and no breakouts! (even my close friends have noticed that) I like thinking about what I eat and planning awesome healthy meals and coming up with different stuff to mix in there. I am really happy. For the first time in a long time, I'm happy with ME! <3

Have A Healthy Day!
<3 Wendy

 

This is my life now...

• water and vitamins and apple cider vinegar 
• eating breakfast when I just don't like eating breakfast  
• walking and exercising 
• more water 
• trying hard to make healthy choices. 
• Ignoring the oreo pie in the fridge and passing up the diet mountain dew and going for the water at the gas station... 
• passing on the white bread when I just love white bread...
• constantly wondering if I'm doing this right... 
• waiting. 
• WAITING on results that just can't come fast enough. 
• Looking at the scale and forcing myself not to step on it every single day. 
• Spending more money than usual on food because healthy food is so much more expensive but being healthy is worth every single penny. 
• Sweating. 
• Out of breath
• lungs feeling like they are going to burst
• the tremendous amounts of energy I feel after a workout. 
• Adding to the box of give away clothes because everything is getting too big. 
• My rings twisting around my finger because they probably need to be sized down! :) 
• Seeing definition in my face and neck in the mirror 
• stepping out of the shower and actually noticing my gut going down!!! 

then I wake up and do it all over again. Its monotonous and boring sometimes but I have to keep on. I am almost at a point where I'm used to this. This is my life now.  that's not going to change and I'm okay with that... I am just being impatient. The results are coming. Slower than I want but they are showing up. I'm proud of that but I'm also very aware that I have to do this the right way or I could just gain it all back or even hurt myself in the process. My goal isn't to be "skinny" its to be HEALTHY. I have to keep reminding myself that. <3

Before Pictures... DUN DUN DUNNNNN

So, as stated in my last blog, I got "before" pictures done with the AH-MAZE-ZING Izzy Hudgins Photography. She was awesome! Well, here are a few...

my leggins were falling down lol I now can't wear those because they are too big! :) 

haha, I love these next ones... so me.

I especially love these next ones... How appropriate? Exactly what I'm doing...reevaluating! :) Love them!

 I believe this last one is my absolute favorite. :) I feel pretty in this one. I feel like I actually LOOK pretty. :)

I have such a fat face. LOL Don't get me wrong, Izzy did an AMAZING job with these and I love them... I am really hard on myself but I do absolutely adore them! :)  I'm so excited for our next session and I can't wait to see the results! Ignore my chinese eyes. When I smile, they disappear lol :)

Again, Thank YOU so much, Mrs. Izzy! You are amazing and your talent has me in awe of you. (not in the creepy stalkerish way but in the teenage girl loves one direction way, maybe... haha!) I adore my photos and I'm so grateful to you for taking the time out of your busy schedule to do this for me! <3

<3 Wendy

Me? Feeling Pretty?

Yesterday, I didn't blog. I was really busy. YESTERDAY I went to visit one of my best friends in this whole wide world, Mrs. Amy Brackett of {227 Salon}

She fixed my hair and makeup and boosted my confidence and patted me on the butt and sent me on my way... okay, she really didn't pat me on the butt but she fixed me all up and did an awesome job and calmed my nerves and I set off to have BEFORE pictures taken with Mrs. Izzy Hudgins of {Izzy Hudgins Photography}

Izzy is amazing and fun and I really loved her personality! This won't be the first time I work with her! We have decided to do another session in the middle of my journey as well as some after pictures once I reach my goal. :) Izzy's website is www.izzyhudgins.com/ Check out her amazing work. She is one talented photographer!!! I'll be showing some of her images in the near future... I'm a little nervous because I REALLY HATE pictures of myself. I can say that being on the other side of the camera was a little odd. Izzy made me feel very comfortable but it was soooo strange trying to remember to be natural but pose too and not feel like a goofball the entire time. I now know what my clients feel like, bless their hearts. :) I don't know that I'll ever get used to someone taking MY picture, but I did really enjoy my time with Izzy yesterday! She's a doll!

To Amy and Izzy: 
I am so blessed to have worked with both of you yesterday. It's difficult for me to feel pretty right now but you both worked your butts off and I really did feel pretty! I felt happy and I felt blessed! Yesterday was just the boost I needed to keep me moving forward!  

I appreciate you guys more than you even know! 

:) Check out their facebook pages and like them and tell them I sent you! :)

So, I have to admit, I've felt like I've been slacking in the exercise department. I haven't been walking once this week. BUT I have been doing the exercises and stupid squats (they will now be known as "stupid squats" and I will bitch the entire time I do them because they ARE the devil! LOL)  and crunches that Mrs. Lindy told me about this past weekend and I know I've worked something because my legs and booty are SORE today! :) YAY! Maybe me feeling like I'm slacking is just because I'm not actually AT the park walking like I normally do, but I know I'm getting just as much done by doing the 30 minutes of exercises every day. Its still so crazy how your mind can psych you out during this whole process.

I have been eating just like always but I haven't been posting many pictures of my recipes because I've been slammed with work. I did notice while photographing a newborn on Tuesday that I wasn't so out of breath and tired afterwards. (newborns are HARD work for those of you that don't know... before, a newborn session would leave me sweating and breathless and exhausted. This one did leave me tired but not nearly as worn out as before. So, I can tell a difference in my endurance!!!)

I haven't weighed myself and I'm not going to. I actually want to wait for September 1st to weigh. I don't exactly know why, but September 1st sounded good to me! :) ANNND promised myself to not get discouraged at the number that pops up on that day! That number DOES NOT define me. It motivates me and keeps me informed but it doesn't have any control over me.

I have been drinking my water but not as much as last week, so I'll be working on stepping that up. I have to learn how to keep doing what I need to do despite the fact that I'm busier this week than I was last week... I'm working on it, I promise.

This week I've been catching up on my laundry! I think I have 2 more loads and every single bit of my laundry will be done. Its VERY rare that I can say that! LOL all my friends and close family members know what I'm saying. When it comes to laundry, I don't ever feel like I'm ever going to get caught up, but I'm almost there and guess what? I have a box beside my front door that has clothes in it that are TOO BIG FOR ME!!! How awesome is that? They are really just too big and I won't ever be in that size again. That makes me happy yet its hard to wrap my brain around. I'm really doing this. I'm getting smaller! :)

Alright, I've rambled on enough, I guess. Time to get back to editing and laundry. The rest of my week and weekend is packed full of sessions and events so if I don't post every day this week, I apologize.

Have A Healthy Day!

<3 Wendy

Emotional Day {Not weight loss related really}

See that smile? That smile would brighten up the day of anyone who laid eyes on it. That's my grandma. Mrs. Julia Conley Ennis. She was the sweetest person you will ever meet. She never met a stranger and loved babies. The only thing she loved more than babies was holding and loving on babies! She always insisted that you called her "Grandma" or "Granny" (even if you just met) and never "Mrs. Ennis" :)

She is the epitome of love. 

I can't tell you how many times I left the house for my senior year of high school and clothes were EVERYWHERE in my room. It would literally be destroyed. I'd come home in the afternoons to a SPOTLESS room. My step mom would rave at how neat and tidy my room was and she would kiss me and tell me I did a great job. Grandma would be sitting in the rocking chair playing with my little brother, Cain and she'd wink at me and smile. :)

In April of this year, after a long and heartbreaking battle with Alzheimer's disease she was called home to be with Grandpa and most importantly, her beloved Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. That woman knows she loved Jesus. She was always singing hymns and her famous words "I'll see ya tomorrow, if the good Lord's willin'" :) Gosh, I miss her.

Today, my blog isn't about weight loss or my battle with getting healthy. Its about Grandma. She seemed to be everywhere today. I turned on Pandora as I was getting ready this morning and I put it on shuffle... Red River Valley came on. (Grandma would hold "her babies" and rock us and sing this song in her sweet raspy voice) I had just said to myself "this getting healthy thing is harder than I thought" as I looked in the mirror not noticing much change and feeling impatient. I stopped in my tracks this morning when I heard that song. It was almost like she was letting me know she is proud of me and that I am doing the right thing... I felt her this morning.

I took my oldest daughter to the orthopedic doctor to see about her pinky finger she broke a few weeks ago... after the appointment, we went to The Olive Garden. (no bread sticks for me today YAY!) As we were sitting there, a group of ladies from a local nursing home came in with their nurses and family members. It was like a punch to the gut. The air was literally sucked out of me.

This picture was taken the first time I went with Grandma and her nursing home group to The Olive Garden. I went several times and once to Red Lobster. The nursing home would take them on little trips (the ones that could handle the trip health wise) and a family member (or family members) were allowed to go with them and it was just a great day of getting out, spending time together and enjoying your loved ones. I really loved going with her... She was always excited to see me and her face would light up and she'd say "Well, hey there! Where's the babies?" :)

I was sitting there today chatting with Nadia (my daughter) and really enjoying our time together when 2 little old ladies from the group sat across from us. One had her granddaughter with her and was saying "This is my granddaughter. Isn't she beautiful? She's my baby" I had a lump the size of an apple in my throat. I looked out the window fighting back tears but I couldn't help it. I started crying. Nadia asked me what was wrong and I said "nothing, I have pepper in my eye" lol she rolled her eyes and said "Mama, you don't just cry for no reason. Whats wrong?" I choked out that I was fine and I'd tell her in just a few minutes. I was trying SO hard to get it under control. Finally, I explained to her about the sweet little ladies reminding me of Grandma and we spent the rest of lunch remembering her. Nadia loved her so much too. She loved helping to care for her when she was sick and she LOVED visiting her and they would literally sit and talk about EVERYTHING. Grandma always had time to sit and chat. :) 

Grandma was a hard worker. She was kind and she loved her family. She put God first in everything she did. Anyone that knew her always knew her as "the sweet little lady" and she really did just brighten your day if you got the privilege to sit and talk with her for a minute. She taught me to just love everyone. Be nice to everyone and smile as often as you can and to be THANKFUL and HUMBLE and GOOD. She left her mark on this world while she was here and that left a hole in our hearts now that she's gone. I hope she's proud of me. I hope she sees what I'm doing on this get fit journey and I hope she knows how terribly I miss her.

<3 Wendy

Forever...

I don't really feel like blogging today BUT I AM! :) I gained 2 pounds back but not from doing bad things or eating bad things... I assume its muscle building which is fine with me. It took a lot for me to get to this point. At first, I felt like crap. All this hard work and I'm gaining weight? Oh hell NAH! lol but I learned to stay away from the scale. My clothes are getting looser, my face is getting thinner. People are noticing the change in me and that's all that matters. I had a lazy day yesterday. My body needed rest. I have been working HARD to learn to listen to my body. I'm getting pretty good at that.

This weekend, a dear friend of mine came over and taught me a few exercises I can do at home and helped point me in the right direction and answered a few questions I had. I want to shout out to her (Lindy) and tell her she's a doll! I appreciate every single bit of everything you have helped me with. YOU ARE AWESOME! :)

So, remember a few blog posts ago I said I would do anything to get healthy... remember how I said if someone told me I had to drink hog piss I would do it if it ensured I'd be healthier??? Well, let me tell you guys something... APPLE CIDER VINEGAR is as close to what I'd imaging hog piss tasting like!!! haha! I started taking two tablespoons per day of that stuff... mixing it in OJ, putting it in smoothies, being a hard ass and taking it like a shot...(I don't recommend throwing it back like a shot of Jack Daniels...it made my stomach hurt... take it slowly)  NOTHING works. It's so gross. But I have researched it and it does wonders for your skin, your weight... Lindy told me about it and I did my own research. My Mema has been trying to get me to take this stuff forever... She was right. But she didn't warn me about the taste! I think I could chug down plain vinegar easier than this stuff BUT I'm gonna try it... we shall see. :)

I haven't given up on running. I am still working on it but I'm taking it sloooow.

One thing I've learned this week is I have changed the way I live my life. THIS is my life now. I do NOT have to do everything all at one time. As long as I keep my head straight, I'll do fine. I will always eat healthier (well, maybe not ALLLLLWAYS but mostly) I will always think about fitness and working out and exercise. EVERY DAY. I will forever be conscience of how I live my life because I want to increase my quality of LIFE! So what if I don't get to run in the race in the fall, I'll run one eventually. So what if it takes me 6 months to lose 50lbs THATS INCREDIBLE and I'm okay with that because I know I will not go back to my unhealthy ways. This is me. Forever. :) That makes me happy.

Have A Happy Day!
<3 Wendy

Frustration sets in...

hello all! :) I didn't blog yesterday because I was super busy. My piggy boys have a new pen (Thank you Grandy and Big Daddy) and my yard and shed and carport are 2 truck loads cleaner! We hauled off some junk and cleaned up some junk... I'm excited! Wanna know what else I'm excited about???

Its Noon in the middle of August in Southeast Georgia and the temperature at my house is reading 

72 degrees!!!!!!

 (yesterday, it said 92 at this same time)

I decided I'd start the couch to 5K today... or at least try. See, I have a long driveway between lush trees off of a main highway... I decided to just start out there... usually, I go to the park but I just got back from a job interview (details on that later) and I didn't really want to drive anywhere else SOOO I put on my runnin' shoes and started the app on my phone. I had to do a brisk walk for 5 minutes to warm up and then I jogged for a minute and walked for a minute and a half for a total of 30 minutes... the first few times, easy... but then I started over thinking it. I would start to jog and imagine myself falling and actually get scared and almost freak out!!! Not to mention my boobs feeling like they were going to hit me in the face! I decided to jog on the grass beside the driveway and I was terrified of tripping over pine cones... Is this normal? I mean, I'm a big girl and if my ass falls down, its gonna HURT. I KNOW the laws of gravity. I know that heavy things make a harder fall... I KNOW I don't want to twist an ankle or hurt myself... ack! I'm totally psyching myself out here.... I'm SO weird! It got so bad that I just walked most of the time and probably only jogged a total of like 8 minutes (with walking in between). Not exactly how I wanted to start off but I did it... I am worried when I run that I'm not doing it right??? Haha, this makes me laugh saying this but do I run on my toes, do i use the heel to toe technique? Do I breathe out my mouth, my nose, take deep breaths, shallow breaths... See what I mean??? Why am I over thinking this??? Should I just stick with walking until I lose a little more weight??? LORD HAVE MERCY!

I seriously have given myself a headache thinking about this. This is one reason why I won't go to the gym right now. I want to lift weights and work out my legs and tris and bis and gluts and all that mess but I sure as hell don't want to be doing it wrong. I've tried to google shit but I'm still not sure I'm doing it right... 

So, I guess I'll try again with the running tomorrow... maybe... I don't know. This has been a slightly tough day. I also felt a little negativity about my eating recently. I have been working on my weight loss and healthy lifestyle for about 3 weeks now. I have lost a total of 16lbs since I weighed last (I refuse to weigh again until next week) which I know isn't normal and it will slow down and blah blah blah... I'm eating healthy stuff and drinking a ton of water. I exercise 30 min or more a day. I'M NOT HUNGRY. I eat 3 good meals per day of good clean food and I eat healthy snacks. If I'm hungry, I eat... but the last two days, I added up my calories and I'm eating about 1100 calories a day. Well my gosh, a whole head of lettuce is like 5 calories and tomatos and cucumbers are little of nothing and the bread I eat is whole grain and clean but like I said, I'm NOT hungry... I don't think I COULD eat more if I wanted to... How is this bad??? I mean, yes, I know the more I work out and the more I burn the more calories I should take in but where am I going to fit that in??? 

Like I said, today has been a little frustrating. sigh...

Many people have asked me why I'm looking for a job. It has nothing to do with photography. I stay so busy with my photography that I don't have time to even mess with my fan page (I do most of my blogging and facebooking from my phone) and I stay booked up. I'm 100% happy about where I am with that right now. I have some amazing clients. :) My reasons are personal. I don't care to disclose that here but my close friends and family are aware. The type of job I'm applying for will not interfere in my photography...in fact, it will only help it! :) 

Anyway, that's all I have to say about that. I guess its back to google for figuring out these concerns I have with my food and my miserable attempts at running, lol. 

Have A Healthy Day!

<3 Wendy

grocery store adventures

Today was grocery shopping day! :) I can't believe I actually liked grocery shopping! I plan on making a few new things but I'm also sticking to a few of my favorite things. For example, the oatmeal with organic blueberries and real creamed honey and organic granola... I have started adding walnuts and almonds sometimes dried cherries and even fresh berries when I have them. :) I also got some new sugar from the organic section... evaporated cane juice??? It is supposed to be all natural??? I dunno, I'll use it a little here and there but not much. I figured it was worth a try and I won't go crazy with it...

Here is a recipe for lemon dill chicken skewers. They look amazing. I can't wait to try them.  Also, I got some shark meat! :) I LOOOOVE shark meat!  >>>>(shark meat hoo ha ha)<<<<

I follow a girl on instagram that puts together some AMAZING recipes. Her name is Kim...on instagram it's @pbeechie but her website is The Coconut Diaries and the recipes on there are so flippin awesome!!! I found her by accident, I was scrolling through the clean eats hash tag and someone tagged her in a turkey meatloaf recipe that looked amazing. I don't know this lady, but she is very inspiring! From what I've gathered she has lost 65+ pounds just by eating clean and living a healthy lifestyle. AWESOME!

So, grocery shopping today, I thought about something as I loaded all my healthy stuff onto the checkout line... I look like the fat girl that, bless her heart, she's trying. Buying all this healthy stuff and probably secretly eating a whole box of debbie cakes in the car (I got some honey buns for the kids...its a slow transition for them but they are eating healthier and healthier by the day and that makes me happy) I don't LOOK like I fit the mold for someone who buys a weeks worth of brussel sprouts and squash and quinoa (which by the way, I can't wait to try. Thank you Crystal for recommending it to me) I don't look healthy. Not yet. But I am so excited for the day when I fit the description. When I am fit. When buying 6 gallons of purified water and fresh fruits and veggies makes the person behind me feel guilty for their chips and cake and frozen pizzas. Maybe not GUILTY but makes them think "dang, she looks like THAT because she eats like THAT" instead of "obviously eating healthy doesn't do shit for her, look at THAT ass" lol

I know that's not really how it goes but you know what I mean! :)

Today was a good day. My children are finishing up their homework now (I got a late start to blogging today) and we are heading over to "Nana and Papa's" for dinner... AFTER Nana and Uncle Cain get back from the gym! :) How awesome is that!

Have A Healthy Night! <3
Wendy

Just Do it.

DISCLAIMER: There IS some “cussing” in this post so stop reading NOW if you are sensitive to that or if you get butt hurt over the F bomb…

I have been getting messages, texts and even emails and calls asking what exactly am I doing to lose weight, and although I've posted it before, I wanted to post again and maybe there are a few changes or updates...

This blog is serious and it’s real and it’s about to have a few bad words that I wouldn’t want my Granny to see because she would hit me. With her shoe. Probably in the mouth. LOL but its real. So, if you are a sensitive ass then stop reading right now. This is your second and last warning…I don’t want to hear any “you shouldn’t cuss so much” Well, I do cuss. And I actually like to. Sometimes. Not at church or um.. in front of Granny… or even around my kids (not SO MUCH anyway) but I do like a descriptive word here and there… I think it expresses my mood better. Haha… Plus, this is MY blog. My feelings and I do what I want to here. My space for cussing. :)

Back on track…

So, I have friends that take (and sell and work for) weight loss pills, appetite suppressants, energy boosters, magic shakes and powders and they go through these systems and diets and whatever and I’m not saying those things don’t work. Not one bit. I have seen real people with REAL results do those things and look fantastic! I just know I’m a broke ass. I don’t have the money to buy healthy foods AND some pill or shake or whatever… being totally realistic right now, I just don’t have the money. I am a single mom with 4 kids and 2 stupid ass dogs that tear shit up and 2 pigs and I’m trying to run a business and I just don’t have it. I hear the “well its only X amount of money and it’s like saving X amount and blah blah and that’s really great, only I don’t even have X amount of money. Not even W amount or V or U or T… lol (see what I did there??? See? See? Haha… okay nevermind)  I budget so much I have a budget for my budget. LOL I do my “splurging” on healthy foods which I‘d like to say how FUCKED UP it is that a bag of chips (greasy fatty bad for your soul chips) are like $0.99 or so and a bag of apples is like $3.00 or so… that sucks SO bad.

What I am doing to lose weight is trying to show everyone that it CAN be done without those pills and shakes and stuff… (again, I’m NOT saying those things don’t work, I’m just saying I choose to do this naturally) I didn’t gain this weight with a magic pill, so I’m just doing the REVERSE of what I have been doing. I want to show people that it really is just getting your lazy ass off the fucking couch and exercising and watch what the hell you put in your mouth! If it has more than like 3 ingredients in it, it’s probably NOT good for you. Besides, even with those pills and shit, you still have to get your ass up and move…and you can’t pop a pill and eat mother frickin’ ben and jerry’s all day and expect to see major results. If a company is promising THAT, then I assure you, you have just wasted your money on bullshit.

What I eat: Real, clean, whole foods. Mostly organic. Foods grown here in Southern Georgia or surrounding areas and foods with no preservatives or additives.. I’m not the best at that part just yet but I’m getting better. Fresh veggies, fruits, nuts, whole grains and WATER. LOTS OF WATER! The meat I am eating right now is local grass-fed beef, turkey, free range chickens and eggs and deer meat (shut up, yes, I eat bambi’s mama and daddy and its so fucking awesome) and fish. I try to get fresh caught local fish but sometimes that’s easier said than done so I have been getting some from the freezer section of my local grocery store (tilapia and salmon are my favs) I eat when I’m hungry but I don’t over do it. If I’m eating an apple and I want another apple then I have another damn apple. What’s it gonna hurt??? It’s a DAMN APPLE. It sure beats eating a whole bag of Doritos and wanting more Doritos doesn’t it??? I eat a little slower and I make sure I chew my food. I once threw up a hot dog and that shit either morphed back together in my stomach or I didn’t really chew it up… enjoy your food. Chew it, savor it and know its fueling your body and giving you energy! Eat to live don’t live to eat!

Exercise: I get my lazy ass up and do something. Lately, its just been walking. This week, I’m adding running in the mix and maybe even some weight training. I’m nervous about the weights but I’ve learned a lot about how they burn so many calories even long after your workout…

MOST IMPORTANTLY: I DRINK LOTS OF WATER.

I hear a lot of people saying “oh I’m so picky” or “I just HATE water” well, then, you must not want this bad enough. I can’t tell you how badly I want a damn Dr. Pepper. I miss that shit SO much but I know it’s not good for me. It’s not going to do a single bit of good for my body. At all. Water has so many benefits. Clearer skin, prettier hair and nails, better organ function, flushes out toxins… hell, just google it. You’ll see the positive things water does for you. I didn’t really care for water too much… but you do what you have to do… at this point, if I KNEW I had to drink hog piss to lose weight and get fit and healthy, I'd figure out a way to make it possible... lol anyway, drink lots of water... I have been consuming half my body weight in ounces of water.  So if you weigh 100lbs drink 50oz of water per day. Add lemon or lime (my fav) or even some of those mixer thingys that are sugar free… whatever you have to do, do it. When people say “I just can’t eat healthy. I don’t like any of that stuff” well, you’d be screwed if you lived 200 years ago, huh? They didn’t have Doritos then or coke or…McDonalds… lol the key to that is finding stuff you DO like. There are SO many websites and blogs that help with that… get on pinterest and look up healthy recipes or picky eaters eat healthy in google (I just made that up, I hope a porn site doesn’t pop up there… sorry in advance if it does lol)

Basically, this shit is in your head. If you think you can, YOU CAN! If you think “oh I’m going to fail” you probably will… release the negativity and think positive! If I can do it, anyone can! I was the worst about procrastinating....WAIT let me rephrase that... I AM the worst about procrastinating but I was even worse about procrastinating about getting healthy... I would tell myself “I’ll start Monday” or “When I lose weight, I’ll buy that dress” or “There’s water in sweet tea”  lol I had an excuse for everything. “eating healthy is so expensive, there’s no way I can afford it” then these words hit me “Diabetes” “Heart Disease” “DEATH” it was like a MAC truck hit me in the face. I have to do this or I’m going to be extremely sick and extremely broken or EXTREMELY DEAD. Truth is, I can’t afford NOT to do this…

YOU CAN DO IT TOO!

Have A Healthy Day!

<3 Wendy