Who's a SLACKER? ME!

I apologize for the lack of posts here lately, I have really been busy. I had a computer hard drive screw up and I lost SEVERAL edited sessions including an entire wedding and I've had to back track and re edit a SHIT LOAD of images! I'm racing the clock here and I'm running low on energy and patience....

Which brings me to my next point: I have NO clue how much I weigh, NO clue how I'm doing and I'm terrified to check. HA! I have very little energy and I'm a straight up BITCH to be around right now...I have been drinking water still, I have been TRYING to eat healthy but I have fallen back in the eating once a day thing and little to ZERO exercise. I literally have NO time for it. Any of it. I'm STUCK at my computer all day and through the night editing fat rolls and blemishes, darkening, brightening, adjusting, saving, filing, burning, finalizing... Which probably explains why I'm so short tempered and spastic lately... Bless the hearts of my children, they have seen psycho mom a few times this past week... I still have healthy, clean eating on my mind and I work hard to make good choices but one apple and a home made grilled chicken wrap with spinach leaves and avocado and Greek yogurt for an ENTIRE DAY is NOT good...  I'm not trying to starve myself and I'm really not trying to screw this up, I just am SO slammed. I've had probably 12 hours of sleep in the last 3 days... Sleep is just as important as eating healthy and exercising. After I get all of this under control and everything calms down a bit, I promise to be back at it full force! I have noticed my yoga pants and sweat pants are too big... (when I wear pants) that's probably NOT a good thing since I know it's most likely due to not eating like I should. It doesn't matter what anyone says, NOT EATING (STARVING) IS NOT GOOD FOR YOU! Your body needs food for energy and energy to burn actual fat. I do NOT recommend not eating at all. I can tell my skin is less bright, almost greyish at times and I have bags under my eyes. What I'm putting my body through right now is NOT good. It will get better. I can see the light at the end of this darkness and I'll be back on track!

Just a little bump in the road. A little hiccup. Say a prayer for me :)

<3 Wendy

Backsliding... just a little...

Many of you have asked why I haven't been posting as much lately and in a nutshell, without going into too many details, here is why:

1. I've been mother frickin' SLAMMED with work. (Photography) and I LOVE IT! But I'm busting my ass trying to get these sessions out quickly because I know my work load is about to blow up in the coming months. The sessions I have scheduled along with fall/Christmas sessions AND the weddings I have in coming weeks are keeping me seriously busy. I love it. I love working with each family/couple/senior/child etc. I. LOVE. MY. JOB!  But with my ADD, its difficult to stay on task. I get side tracked so I've been gluing myself to photoshop getting these sessions cranked out before I get distracted so I've stayed off the internet (aside from my phone or facebook in between files loading)

2. I'm looking for a Monday-Friday 9-5ish job! Nothing is going wrong with photography, I'm doing fine there but strictly for health insurance purposes. I NEED HEALTH INSURANCE! I have a few medical conditions that I have to get checked out and I hear if you don't have insurance by next year, you'll get fined or some crap... just what I need... Thanks a lot Obama.

3. I've been broke as a joke. Ain't no lie. My washer broke TWICE and I had to get it fixed and a few other financial hiccups and its just been a crazy 2 weeks... I couldn't afford to really buy completely clean so I was having to work hard to figure out how I can eat along with still allowing my kids to eat the things they love and need... its been tough... this week is looking up though, I'm going grocery shopping today and I'm actually excited about it!

The key is sticking with it. Yes, I have fallen short this past week/week and a half but I'm getting right back up there and starting again. I have drank my water like I was supposed to and I've been trying to make good choices with what I have available... I think I'm doing good and I'm proud of myself. Just because I have a little bump in the road doesn't mean I'm going to give up. I'm still determined to make this my life. Its literally all I think about and last week when I was forced to eat a grilled cheese because that was literally all I had in my house, I ate it (on whole grain bread) and made myself understand that you gotta do what you gotta do but as long as you keep on trying, you still win. I'm proud of myself. Despite the not so good choices and the back sliding a little, I'm proud that I knew I was going to get up and dust myself off and keep going. :)

I lost 5 more lbs just so you know. :) I'm down 29lbs total! :) Sure, that could be "water weight" or whatever but I wore pants I wasn't able to fit in this time last year to the wedding I shot on Saturday! Boo-Ya! :)

Exercise
Healthy Choices
Water
Eating several times a day
Having and keeping a positive attitude.
That's my life. And I'm proud of it! <3


Have A Healthy Day! <3
<3 Wendy

Who farted? hahaha

I haven't blogged in awhile. For a few reasons. Some personal, some obvious, some just laziness. In the time I have taken away from blogging, I have noticed something that I am going to share with you...

Farting. I have been known to "shake the walls of the Westin" when I fart. I have been known to "fart like a trucker" and I have been known to "blow your boots off" when I fart... I. FART. I try to be lady like and not fart in public, but my close friends, my kids, my ex husband (haha oh i bet he misses that SO much) and even my sweet boyfriend are well aware that I simply fart like a man when I fart... go big or go home, right? lol

Now, women are very sensitive about farting. They don't like doing it, admitting to it or even saying the word "fart." I was not allowed to say it growing up, but guess what, Mom, remember when you would say "when you grow up and get your own house, you can say (buy, do, live, eat) how you want but as long as you live with me, you will not say (buy, do, live, eat) that!" :) haha

 fart. Fart. FART! ;)

 Toot, poot, fluff... are more acceptable but I strongly believe "fart" is better than saying "anal acoustics" or "blasting the ass trumpet" so see, it could always be worse. :)

I'm not rude, I wouldn't fart if I were in church or um... at a wedding or... in serious situations but I do fart.  I don't go all honey boo boo and blast one off in the middle of a restaurant or store but, our living room, the car and quiet moments laying in bed watching tv are fair game in this family... and the point of this post is to let you know about a discovery I've made regarding farting.

Since I've been eating clean, I haven't had the victorious chance to blow the sheets off the bed with an earth shattering fart. Ask Bruce (my boyfriend) He's the one that brought it to my attention. He was very happy to discover that I haven't been farting lately. He's just mad because my farts have meaning and his are girly. ;) I haven't been rocking the panty burps like usual. And here is why. I decided to do some research on this. Turns out eating things like carbs and beans (yeah, we knew that already) and fried foods make you fart more. Eating clean is good for your farts. :) Not chewing your food well can cause you to have excessive gas because your body is working overtime to break the food down.

Here's how I figured this out. I have eaten clean the entire month of August. I worked really hard to make sure nothing that went into my body was unclean. (or i tried really hard and did really good) Then, we had a few financial issues and some other situations that took place in September and I sort of back tracked a little. I am still drinking water but the eating hasn't been the cleanest... I'll explain more on that with tomorrow's blog post. So, August was pretty much fart free. Now... let's just say I have begun the one man jazz band again and Bruce has noticed that as well... (Gah, guys are SO sensitive when you out fart them LOL)

Anyway, I know some of you are disgusted by this post and probably won't read another one or some of you are thinking I'm so nasty... those are probably the people who "don't fart" and the same people (unlike me still at 30 years old) that don't giggle when the ketchup bottle makes a fart noise. :) Truth is, everyone farts. Moms, dads, grandmas, The Queen of England, your neighbors, your pastor or Sunday School teacher and even sexy, hot Adam Levine and Johnny Depp... yep, they all fart... It's natural and your body's way of releasing gas (hydrogen, nitrogen, oxygen and even methane) but, as it turns out, eating cleaner and healthier and keeping the chemicals out of your body as much as possible help in the breakdown of your flatulence. :) That is all!

Have A Healthy Day
Wendy <3

My Food Addiction (Part 1)

I have said this before... but I didn't grow up with a weight problem. I was born an average size, I lived a healthy lifestyle thanks to my Mother who taught us to make good choices in the things we ate. We always ate at the table, together and our meals were ALWAYS healthy and nutritious. My mother grew up with a weigh issue. She didn't want her children to grow up like that so we always had access to granola bars and rice cakes, fruits and veggies...We weren't deprived, (we would have Mcdonalds every now and then and I remember once my Mema's best friend bringing me twinkies when I had the chicken pox...she put them in the mailbox so she wouldn't be exposed to me and yelled from the car that she loved me and hoped I felt better soon lol) We were a healthy family. In school, although I thought I was fat, I wasn't. I was always tall so I always weighed a little more than my friends but I wasn't anywhere near fat...I wish I saw how thin I was back then...

My weight issues started after I got married. Please keep in mind, I'm NOT bashing anyone in this post. I'm simply stating the facts that lead up to the issues I face today. My ex husband and I got married when I was 18. He was 21. We were married for 11 years and we have 4 beautiful children. I got pregnant with my first baby a month after we got married, my 2nd came along 16 months later and we had a small 2 year break then baby number 3 and 4 came only 14 months apart from each other... Our lives were a whirlwind of emotions so fast. My ex husband would say things that were awful. That people who love each other shouldn't say to each other. I was constantly called names and put down. See, I was the strong one in our relationship. Not physically, but I could handle emotions from the stress, the money issues, the craziness better than he could. He would lash out at me because, overall, I could take it. I forgave easily (and still do) I knew his words were just said in anger but they hurt nonetheless. I turned to food to help heal my emotions. To hide them. To make up for the hurt. I slowly became addicted to food. I guess I should be happy it wasn't drugs or alcohol, but food addiction can kill you just as much as the other addictions can. (I'm learning more and more about this every day.) Every time I was called a "fat worthless bitch" I'd cry to my best friend over ice cream and I'd feel better. I'd make unhealthy things to eat because it made my husband happy. Different situations and arguments and stress and money issues (I am by NO means saying I was the perfect wife, I had my share of downfalls) I sunk deeper and deeper into food addiction. I taught myself not to eat all day and then binge on snacks late at night while talking to my best friend on the phone for hours about how shitty our lives had become. No one could see how much I ate because everyone was asleep. I learned really quick that a big pan of cheesy, buttery, fattening homemade mac and cheese and fried chicken and homemade-let them rise all day- yeast rolls literally made me HAPPY. I even went to school for culinary arts because I just love food SO much. Food makes me happy. Hell, it still does.  The wrong foods though... By the time my ex husband and I decided that our relationship was going no where, there was so much damage done to me mentally, verbally and emotionally (and I'm sure to him as well it was just a sad situation) I was full blown depending on food to get me through the hard times. I gained a lot of weight. Keep in mind, I have forgiven him for everything from our past and he's forgiven me, but our relationship was just toxic to each other. We are MUCH better friends and parents apart than we ever were together... That's how it goes sometimes. He's a good person with a good heart, he was just married to the wrong person. Vise versa...

After our separation, and divorce, I started NOT eating. Not because I wanted to starve myself but because my metabolism just went to shit. I would literally eat once a day. Which isn't good AT ALL. That one meal was usually dinner and it was usually a bad choice. A quick fix because life got hectic. I would still hide and eat things when I was stressed or upset, but usually I was so busy trying to make a life for me and my kids that I didn't really have time to eat more than one time in a whole day... Things just spiraled downward and before I knew it, I was over 300lbs and miserable.

My food addiction is just like an alcohol addiction. I can't just have one honey bun or one yeast roll because I will figure out a way to justify why I can have more and before I know it, I've had 3. This is more mental for me than anything because even though I feel like I'm doing a good job at handling the temptation of my food choices, I know I can slip at any moment. So, when you see me post things like "I miss bread" or "I miss beer" I'm not allowing myself to have those things right now until I get better control over it. I know people say you shouldn't deprive yourself but you don't deprive yourself when you are on a diet. I'm not on a diet. I'm changing my lifestyle. A recovering alcoholic wouldn't just have one shot or one beer, they steer clear of it because one will lead to more which will lead to having to start all over again. That's my frame of mind right now. I have to steer clear of the things (like Pizza) that tempt me and surround myself with good healthy clean choices or I fear I will backslide and end right back at square one again... This is a slower process for me. I'm not losing weight super fast because I'm not on a diet or looking for a quick fix. I'm changing everything in my life slowly so that it will STAY changed in the long run. This is me now. I'm working hard on beating obesity because I want to live to see my babies have babies and so on... If I continue down the road to eating like I was, I won't even live to see my children become teenagers. True story.

Have A Healthy Day
<3 Wendy









 

Bloom where you are planted!

 These words could never ever be truer. No matter where you end up, shine on and look up! Make the most of what you have and BE THANKFUL!

Bloom where you are planted! 

A positive attitude, a humble spirit, a thankful heart and a sound mind. That's what I strive for. 

I recently had to change my whole life around. In more ways than one. I have been put in a place that I WAS NOT happy about. One example, I had to move. I had to make some changes in my life that I really didn't want to make. I was not happy about the move. I was not happy about where I moved. (there are spiders here the size of house cats) BUT slowly and surely, its been unfolding right before my eyes exactly why I'm supposed to be here. RIGHT HERE. I let go of that negativity and have started to bloom here, where I was planted. Life gives us bumps and curves and it's okay. The speed bumps in life may slow you down but they won't stop you. :) I have learned to just keep moving forward... and how to kill cat sized spiders like a true ninja! :) 

Have A Healthy Day
<3 Wendy

Time to STEP IT UP!

SOOOO, I had a little hate on my blog the other day and I just want to say that it will NOT be tolerated. Negative comments will be deleted. This is a POSITIVE change in my life and I hope to inspire people in a POSITIVE manner and negativity is just not an option. :)

That's all I'll say about that again. NO more attention will be brought to that subject. :)

Weekends are SO difficult for me. Not so much on the exercising part but on the drinking water part and the eating part. Not so much eating healthy but eating at all... I find myself slipping back into my old ways of eating like once per day and that is NOT good. It's mostly because I stay busy shooting or spending time with my family on the weekends. I don't edit on the weekends that I have my kids because I try hard to spend all my time with them. So, we are usually busy goofing off or whatever... I make them food but I usually don't or can't eat what I make them so I say I'll make myself something later and I just don't.

Football season is about to start...excuse me, by the time you crazy fans read this, it WILL have started, and that means parties and bonfires and get togethers and FOOD.... but most importantly BEER! Ack. I really do love beer. I have decided to not drink any right now. I'm not a huge drinker but I do really just love beer. The off the wall types of beer, not your major brands (although, I do like those too) I think maybe it goes back to the bread thing... bread, yeast, beer... I dunno... lol maybe I was a man in a past life. :)

Anyway, I won't be drinking... much... the rest of this year... just part of me trying to discipline myself... so if any of yall need a DD, I'm your water drinkin' girl! :) I'm not trying to deprive myself, just trying hard to keep control of what I put in my body. Again, I'm not a heavy drinker so this won't be nearly as difficult as mother freakin' BREAD! lol

I am a yeast-roll-aholic

There. I said it. :) LOL

Last night, my sweet boyfriend brought home Little Cesar's Pizza. Again, I didn't eat much yesterday and pizza has always been a favorite food of mine... I gave in. Not only did I have one slice, but I had TWO! About 20 minutes or so after I ate it, I thought I was DYING! No lie. My stomach hurt SO bad and I was sweating and I couldn't get comfortable. I felt like I was going to pass out and I felt just awful!!! While I was eating it, he looks at me and says "Are you gonna post that on the internet?" (punk ass) I told him to shut up and I ate it anyway... I should have thrown it at him then I wouldn't have felt like that and I would have laughed at his expression after having pizza thrown at him... but I ate it and just to show his smart ass, I ate another slice... and then he was probably laughing on the inside at me groaning and fussing over my stomach hurting. He knew better than to laugh where I could see it. Sick or not, I would have KILLED him. :) He's a sweet heart though. He cleaned the entire kitchen and made sure the kids got to bed while I slept and tried and failed at making myself throw up...

No more bad foods. My body was telling me. I promise to listen from now on...Today is Sunday. I feel like I've been out partying all night long. I just feel BLAH. 4 or so weeks of eating clean and healthy and ONE night of messing it up and I totally feel like SHIT.  It's time for me to step it up and not give into the things that are clearly bad for me... the things that are clearly weighing me down. literally.

So two things. Today starts the 30 day AB challenge and tomorrow I start Focus T25. If you don't know what T25 is (because I had no freakin' clue) its from the makers of Insanity (I'm sure most of you know what that is) and Shaun T (the instructor) guides you on a 25 minute INTENSIVE workout. 25 minutes. Humm... I can do 25 minutes. I hope. I hear its a little difficult but I'm up for the challenge. here is the youtube link to watch what its about. This is going to take discipline. I'm gonna do it! :) After last nigh, I think I owe it to my body. :)

Here's my ab challenge for the month. I don't think I can do ONE sit up or push up much less as many as it says I have to do BUT I'm going to do it. I have to. I need to do a LOT more than just eating clean... time to step it up! :)

Have A Healthy Day!
<3 Wendy