Blah day... short pointless blog...

Last night, my youngest son said "Look at Mama! She's gettin' skinny!" :)

I guess that means they can see a difference! :) Even if its small right now! :) I know I can feel a difference...

I can't wait to go grocery shopping... wait... did I just say that??? ME? I normally HATE grocery shopping BUT I haven't been able to any this week and we are down the the bare essentials in the pantry and today, I didn't do too well with eating. I had breakfast at around 8am and it was a waffle with almond butter on it and a handful of blueberries and water but that's it and its almost 4pm now... Nothing sparked my interest and I was feeling very sick today so I just tried to keep drinking water and that's it. I slept most of the day so I know I have GOT to walk tonight even if its just a slow stroll... I hate blah days...

My kids go to their dads this weekend and that sucks so bad. :( I hate when they aren't with me even though I'm well aware that dads need time too...

Tonight, while I sit here alone with no "baby background noise" I think I'll try to come up with a few new things to add to my healthy menu... Suggestions are welcome. :)

Have a healthy weekend, y'all!

<3 Wendy

WAIT! I forgot to mention this- During the school year last year, a little tradition that our family has is on Friday mornings, I take my kids to school (as long as they are up on time and we leave by 7:25) and we go to Mcdonalds for breakfast. (Mcdonalds is pretty much the ONLY choice in this small town for breakfast aside from subway... lol) I always order the same thing. 3 chicken biscuits with cheese, one sausage egg and cheese mcgriddle and a sausage and cheese biscuit a large sweet tea and a large coke. Breakfasts of champions right? lol but its our time together and I drop them off at school and it just became a tradition.... THIS MORNING I ordered the 3 cheese chicken biscuits for Nadia, Trevor and Aubrey and the gross sausage egg and chees mcgriddle (why he would put sausage egg and cheese on a PANCAKE bun is beside me, but whatever) for Triston but I did NOT order the sausage and cheese biscuit for me and I did NOT drink one drop of the sweet tea or coke and I didn't even mind. It didn't bother me and I didn't miss it! :)

just a little milestone <3 yay Wendy!

Determined.

First, I'd like to say that I am (unofficially) 12lbs lighter!!!! :) I know I shouldn't have, but I weighed myself again and seeing those numbers go down... words can't describe it. My post today is about determination. I'm determined to reach my goals. I started this life change at approximately 319. <<< that's the blog where I explain my weight if you haven't read it yet. My first goal is to be under 300lbs.

I can't even tell you how saying that number makes me feel. Well, yes I can... it makes me feel like a lard ass. I even said it out loud.

300 pounds

That's like the same weight as an NFL line backer, isn't it? A baby elephant weighs an average of 300lbs at birth. They may lose a little in the first 2 weeks but they start gaining about 2lbs per day after that... I don't know how this is relevant... just my ADD kicking in, I guess...baby elephants are so cute, but I no longer want to weigh as much as one! :)

My frame of mind is so different now. I don't WANT to make bad choices. I honestly think I could go into Logan's right now and not eat the bread. Not even be tempted by it. (okay, I'd be tempted but I would totally NOT give in. Not now.) I don't feel deprived. Not one bit. I know that my BIG goal is worth more to me that a damn yeast roll. I don't think of it as "cheating" I think of it as choosing wisely what goes into my mouth and into my body. I think of food as nourishment not some filler for the emotions I'm feeling. That's a HUGE change. I don't eat when I'm bored. I drink water. If I'm hungry, I eat, but I eat something worth a damn. I know I need food for energy. I know I need to stay fuller longer at certain times of the day, so I know when to eat "heavier" meals. I don't know proper wording and none of this was decided by a doctor or fitness instructor, it's just plain common sense. Say NO to honey buns and processed junk. Say YES to fresh fruits and veggies and organically grown or locally grown foods. Whole grains are my friends but not all wheat bread is "whole grain" (that was a sneaky little trick I had to learn the hard way) THE BEST THING I'VE LEARNED: Eating healthy isn't gross! There really are some awesome recipes and one thing a lot of you may not know about me is that I actually went to school for Culinary Arts. I didn't graduate with a degree (for reasons not to be discussed online) but I love coming up with new recipes and I adore cooking. My next favorite thing to do aside from photography. :) So, playing around with what works for me is actually FUN. :) 

I still have to measure and I promised myself I would do that this weekend. I did take some before shots when I first started this and they make me sick looking at them BUT I did it. I'll get my measurements down soon and big news... I start the couch 2 5K next week with Mrs. Becky and we have decided to possibly enter into an actual 5K race. Something I've always WANTED to do, but just never did... goals, goals, goals... I am going to celebrate each and every time I reach one! 

Another HUGE change in me... I am proud of myself. That is something I haven't been able to say in a very long time. I am PROUD of Wendy Wells. :) Yay! 

Have A Healthy Day!
<3 Wendy

10 down!

So, I started this blog out talking about what went WRONG yesterday, but it really doesn't matter. I got on the scale and much to my surprise, I am DOWN TEN POUNDS!!! 10! How awesome is that?! That's with no drugs, no fad diets, strictly from eating healthy and exercising! I'm so proud of myself! It only motivates me to keep on!

And the support I already have is amazing! I have the best friends and family cheering me on. Everyone of you guys that read this and send me an awesome motivational text, message or comment just makes me want to push myself harder!!! I know it's only 10 lbs, but its 10 lbs i'll NEVER see again. EVER. And that excites me! Actually seeing results and seeing that scale go down makes me want to jump up and down. I'm really doing this, y'all. It may be a slow road but I sure as hell didn't get in this situation quickly...I didn't just wake up one day fat...

The texts above are from my sweet boyfriend, Bruce. He told me something awesome last night. As we were laying together watching some stupid storage show or alligator show or swamp show or something he says to me "you aren't fat. you never were fat. Its ALL in you're head. I'm happy that you've lost a few pounds, lose more if you want to. Lose as much as it takes for you to finally see how beautiful you really are. I can tell you every day, but you have to see it for yourself." :) He's so awesome. It's such a huge change for me to have someone by my side who supports me, appreciates me and cheers me on. He's my biggest fan. He's in MY corner and I couldn't be happier. :)

So, 10 down however many to go, but one things for sure... they ARE going! :) YAY!

This picture was taken yesterday morning.

Just a little motivation

I won't fail. I won't. Not this time. There may be set backs or bumps in the road but I won't fail. I have an entirely new look, a new perspective. This may take longer, there probably won't be any fast results but there won't be any pills or gimmicks or fad diets or programs. No shakes or magic powders or temporary changes. This is for real. Forever. This is my life now if I want to continue to live. Being unhealthy has had control over me for too long. Time for me to take back what's mine. Time for Wendy Wells to finally LIVE! :)

still learning...

If you are on my facebook page, (my personal one) you know about the struggle with the honey bun this weekend. I ate one on Sunday morning because I had nothing in my house to eat and I was too lazy to go ONE MILE to the store... well, I paid for that honey bun. My stomach felt like it weighed 1000 lbs. I had an indescribable HEAVY feeling and instead of being fueled and energized, I felt lazy and just blah. I have managed to drink one gallon of water per day! :) (give or take a few sips here and there from my little vultures) :)

I noticed that my dilemmas arise when there is no food in my house. No healthy food anyway... And I noticed you can't buy tons of healthy stuff at one time. The shit goes bad FAST. When eating clean you have to remember to only get a few days worth... somethings are fine but fresh fruit and veggies don't last as long because there's no preservatives in them. I know this is a DUH moment for you guys but for me, its news. See, I HATE GROCERY SHOPPING. But I have learned to enjoy it now that I'm eating healthy... I do enjoy coming up with new clean things to eat... Its also a lot more pleasurable when 4 kids aren't with you asking for everything in the whole dang store!

School started back today (well, technically yesterday since I'm up blogging at 12am) My kids were excited... well, except for my oldest who started middle school... BUT he came home happy and excited. I think it was just nerves to start with...

My kids ask me every day if I ate healthy today or if I need more water. :) that makes me happy. I still haven't measured (i'm literally terrified to) and I bought a new scale but the dang thing won't work. No, my big ass didn't break it... I took it out the box and put new batteries in it and it won't turn on... I'm interested in seeing if I've lost any but I don't really care. :) my main goal right now is to get this eating thing down so I dont have anymore honey bun moments!!!

Couch25K starts next week. I'll actually be running. YIKES! If you see me at the park, don't judge. I love the idea of running, I really believe it will be relaxing and awesome but I haven't gotten there yet. Right now, it scares me because I know its going to be hard. Once I get over the initial hurdle of doing it, I'll be fine... gotta crawl before you can walk right? or is it walk before you can run?? haha either way...

Next week I also give up everything but water. I have been getting diet drinks when I go out... that stops this week. I should have stopped it before now, but I was clinging on to it for dear life... my last bit of my old life, I guess... I would give it up this week but I need coffee to get me through the long nights I'll be facing this week to get caught up with work... I have only had ONE diet drink per day, if that. Today, I had NONE but yesterday I had a diet dr pepper at Chic Fil A... by the way, Chic Fil A's wraps are AH MAZING! 390 calories and I don't even have to put any dressing on mine! The chicken is juicy enough and yummy enough to work out without anything... (for me anyway) Who can go to Chic Fil A without eating an actual chicken sandwich or nuggets or WAFFLE FRIES? But I'm determined to do better so I ordered the char-grilled cool wrap with the fruit instead of the fries... YUMMY! :)

If any of you guys want to send me any yummy healthy recipes please feel free! My email address is wendygetsfit@gmail.com

I also take advise and very much appreciate it! I'm new to this whole get fit world so, hook a sista up if you know something I don't! :)

Have A Healthy Day!

<3 Wendy

Today was a great day! This is my oldest son, Triston. :) Look at those dimples! :) We spent the day together. A rare day of just me and him. We went back to school shoe shopping and even to lunch! :) His choice. He chose Olive Garden. As we were pulling in (its right beside Logan's Roadhouse) he says "oh lets go to Logan's" I say "NO! The ROLLS WILL TEST ME AND I'M NOT STRONG ENOUGH YET!" lol

We both laughed about that but I was so serious.

Last night I had a heart to heart with my kids. I explained to them why I'm doing this and why its important for me to get healthy. I explained to them a few of my medical conditions and told them that this wasn't some diet or temporary thing, it was life or death for me. If i continue down this road,  I won't be here much longer and I need their help. I need their encouragement and I'd like for ALL of us to get healthy. Together. We laughed, we cried, we promised each other that we would work this out. I love my kids. This morning Aubrey and Trevor made me a glass of ice water and brought it to me and said to remember to drink lots of water today! :)

So, we go into The Olive Garden and I order water with lemon and the soup and salad (I love their salad and although I'm a huge pasta fan, their salad wins for me so I didn't feel deprived at all) The waitress brings the bread sticks out and I look at them and literally have a WAR in my head...

This blog would be so awesome if i said "nope, I didn't have one single bread stick."

Well, it will just have to be awesome without me saying that because I did have ONE bread stick.

BUT, I think that's awesome because the old Wendy would have had several and the waitress would have brought a few baskets of bread... I can't explain my love of bread. Sweets are NO problem for me... not even cheesecake but bread...ah, its my weakness.

I got one bread stick and I broke off little pieces and made it last the entire meal. I really feel like I did good! :)

I ate mostly salad and I didn't even finish my one bowl of soup. It was the Chicken and Gnocchi which I know probably has a lot more calories than the Minestrone but its so good. I said no to the cheese and I drank almost 3 glasses of water with lemon.

I probably burned a few calories laughing at Triston. He ordered the Chicken Parmesan and I was trying to explain why they gave him a spoon and a fork and attempted to show him how to use it. He had me laughing at him so much that the lady at the table next to us came over and said her daughter (who was in her late 20's) never uses the spoon either but she told Triston "The way your mother is trying to teach you is the proper way. Keep trying, you'll get it." :)

He still thinks its stupid that you get a spoon with spaghetti lol.
"Just twist it with your fork and shove it all in your mouth." Haha, He'll understand one day.

I guess the point of this blog is my awareness. My awareness of what I should be eating and what I shouldn't be eating... I'm more AWARE. Aware of what's really worth it. That's a step in the right direction. I'm really making better choices. I could have ordered the eggplant parmesan or the FRIED RAVIOLI (damn you, Olive Garden) but I made better choices! :) Today was a good day.

The best part, I am being a good influence on my kids. Aubrey asked for a snack today when I got home. (she is 6 for those of you that don't know) and instead of a bag of chips, she chose an apple and brought me one and said "I'll eat healthy with you, Mama." :) Made my heart smile!

Have A Healthy Day!

<3 Wendy

My breaking point

This is a very personal blog for me. One that I am TERRIFIED to hit that "Publish" button on... it has sat on my computer for a few days in a word document... but here it is. The day I reached my breaking point... If you are reading it then I mustered up the courage to share...Dear Baby Jesus... Here we go...

I have not always had a weight issue. I mean, I've always struggled with a few pounds here or a few pounds there but in high school I was actually a normal size. Back then, I thought I was disgustingly overweight and I even resorted to starving myself at one point... why? Because I knew I didn't look like my friends. (Skinny bitches lol) I slowly learned that I didn't have to look like them to still look awesome. There are things about me that are great. For example, I'm 5'8! (I LOVE that still!) Where did that confidence go? Looking back now, I'd KILL to be that size again. Teenagers.

One day, a few weeks ago, I went to meet with a client at a local restaurant. All I can say is being a person who seems to ALWAYS be late (because I've forgotten something most likely lol) I managed to get there early. AND THANK GOD! The waitress went ahead and sat me. She took me to a booth and asked what I wanted to drink. I stood there with her putting my phone back in my purse as I decided on an ice cold COKE and she walked off. I went to sit down.

I tried to slide in and that shit wasn't happening. I didn't fit in the booth! I tried the other side...I felt like my circulation was being cut off. NO WAY could I sit like this for an hour talking business. Was I really THAT big? I couldn't fit in a damn booth? REALLY? I got up and asked if I could sit at a nearby table instead using some excuse that my party of 2 was most likely going to be a party of 3. My client arrived not aware of anything being wrong. But EVERYTHING WAS WRONG. I don't remember half of what we talked about. My mind kept wondering...

I struggled through the meeting without her even knowing what was up. I kept eying the booth thinking "really? there looks to be enough room...maybe I was just too embarrassed to try harder?" and "well, it is a smaller than normal booth. I sit in booths ALL the time with Bruce (my boyfriend) and I fit just fine...this was a micro booth damnit!"

I gawked as another couple came in and slid right in that booth and looking at the woman, I thought to myself  "oh surly I am NOT bigger than her! NO WAY" not that the lady was grotesquely huge but in MY mind, her pudginess was way more... pudgy than mine. Surely. Right? Right!? I excused myself to the restroom. The lady from the booth walked in as I was washing my hands. We stood side by side in the mirror and I literally looked like TWO of her! Where did this person staring back at me come from? This wasn't the first time I looked in the mirror. I had to look in the mirror to get ready that morning. I knew I had gained weight. I knew my pants from 2 years ago didn't fit. I struggle EVERY SINGLE MORNING when I get ready to find something to wear. I don't ever spend money on myself, so the clothes I have I've had a while with the exception of a dress I just got a few months ago for my grandmothers funeral. I hate shopping because the stores that specialize in my size are so dang expensive and places like Target and Walmart that have a regular womens section, their clothes THEIR size 1x or 2x fit really snug or just dont look right on me. I tell myself "why pay $80 for a pair of pants that are going to be too big soon because I PLAN on losing weight" I know I said that to myself 6 months ago while looking online at one of my favorite stores...

So, I finish up my meeting with my client and we walk outside and part ways at our cars. I wait for her to back out and head towards the red light before I break loose. I cried. I looked in the mirror and I cried. I screamed. I hit my hands on the steering wheel and I had a straight up bitch fit. I drove home in silence. MAD at myself. I got home and I went straight to hunt down our scale and the batteries I took out of it. (lol I had to or I would be weighing myself every day) I weighed myself and I can't even tell you how upset I was. How distraught. How MORTIFIED. This fucking scale is broken. I weighed myself again. That number on that scale came out of NO WHERE. I mean, yeah, I knew I was gaining weight but my weight has always been higher due to me being tall and having muscle. (i think the muscle hides under my fat lol) I knew I was never a "small framed lady" I come from a long line of corn fed thick country girls and that's okay. I was making more excuses.

That scale said 319. yes. 319. Do you know the disbelief I am feeling right now looking at that number in front of me? I'm already in tears. Why the hell did it take me to get to 319 before I had a fucking mental breakdown? Where was I when the scale said 250, 280 or even 295??? I saw those numbers too. Thats why I hid the damn batteries. 319. That image, the horror I felt when I looked down will be with me forever. I will use it as fuel when I feel like giving up. I will use it when I am so damn sick of grilled chicken and broccoli. I will use it when I hit a plateau and its taking longer to see results and I feel defeated. I will use the anger I feel for letting myself get to 319 before I realized I had a huge problem guide me to where I want to be. Healthy. And at 319, I'm NOT HEALTHY. I sat on the bathroom floor and cried like a 2 year old not getting her way. I cried a LOT that week.

Not fitting into a damn booth at a restaurant and seeing those numbers on my scale were my breaking point. The very next day, I went grocery shopping and bought nothing but healthy foods and bottles of water. I cried almost all day and I felt pitiful. The pity stops there. I have to do this. I have to change myself and change my ways. I have to work hard to see a change and I know I can do it. maybe one day, I can rearrange those God awful numbers and my scale will say 139!!! We'll see. :)

Have A Healthy Day!

Wendy <3