Today was a great day! This is my oldest son, Triston. :) Look at those dimples! :) We spent the day together. A rare day of just me and him. We went back to school shoe shopping and even to lunch! :) His choice. He chose Olive Garden. As we were pulling in (its right beside Logan's Roadhouse) he says "oh lets go to Logan's" I say "NO! The ROLLS WILL TEST ME AND I'M NOT STRONG ENOUGH YET!" lol

We both laughed about that but I was so serious.

Last night I had a heart to heart with my kids. I explained to them why I'm doing this and why its important for me to get healthy. I explained to them a few of my medical conditions and told them that this wasn't some diet or temporary thing, it was life or death for me. If i continue down this road,  I won't be here much longer and I need their help. I need their encouragement and I'd like for ALL of us to get healthy. Together. We laughed, we cried, we promised each other that we would work this out. I love my kids. This morning Aubrey and Trevor made me a glass of ice water and brought it to me and said to remember to drink lots of water today! :)

So, we go into The Olive Garden and I order water with lemon and the soup and salad (I love their salad and although I'm a huge pasta fan, their salad wins for me so I didn't feel deprived at all) The waitress brings the bread sticks out and I look at them and literally have a WAR in my head...

This blog would be so awesome if i said "nope, I didn't have one single bread stick."

Well, it will just have to be awesome without me saying that because I did have ONE bread stick.

BUT, I think that's awesome because the old Wendy would have had several and the waitress would have brought a few baskets of bread... I can't explain my love of bread. Sweets are NO problem for me... not even cheesecake but bread...ah, its my weakness.

I got one bread stick and I broke off little pieces and made it last the entire meal. I really feel like I did good! :)

I ate mostly salad and I didn't even finish my one bowl of soup. It was the Chicken and Gnocchi which I know probably has a lot more calories than the Minestrone but its so good. I said no to the cheese and I drank almost 3 glasses of water with lemon.

I probably burned a few calories laughing at Triston. He ordered the Chicken Parmesan and I was trying to explain why they gave him a spoon and a fork and attempted to show him how to use it. He had me laughing at him so much that the lady at the table next to us came over and said her daughter (who was in her late 20's) never uses the spoon either but she told Triston "The way your mother is trying to teach you is the proper way. Keep trying, you'll get it." :)

He still thinks its stupid that you get a spoon with spaghetti lol.
"Just twist it with your fork and shove it all in your mouth." Haha, He'll understand one day.

I guess the point of this blog is my awareness. My awareness of what I should be eating and what I shouldn't be eating... I'm more AWARE. Aware of what's really worth it. That's a step in the right direction. I'm really making better choices. I could have ordered the eggplant parmesan or the FRIED RAVIOLI (damn you, Olive Garden) but I made better choices! :) Today was a good day.

The best part, I am being a good influence on my kids. Aubrey asked for a snack today when I got home. (she is 6 for those of you that don't know) and instead of a bag of chips, she chose an apple and brought me one and said "I'll eat healthy with you, Mama." :) Made my heart smile!

Have A Healthy Day!

<3 Wendy

My breaking point

This is a very personal blog for me. One that I am TERRIFIED to hit that "Publish" button on... it has sat on my computer for a few days in a word document... but here it is. The day I reached my breaking point... If you are reading it then I mustered up the courage to share...Dear Baby Jesus... Here we go...

I have not always had a weight issue. I mean, I've always struggled with a few pounds here or a few pounds there but in high school I was actually a normal size. Back then, I thought I was disgustingly overweight and I even resorted to starving myself at one point... why? Because I knew I didn't look like my friends. (Skinny bitches lol) I slowly learned that I didn't have to look like them to still look awesome. There are things about me that are great. For example, I'm 5'8! (I LOVE that still!) Where did that confidence go? Looking back now, I'd KILL to be that size again. Teenagers.

One day, a few weeks ago, I went to meet with a client at a local restaurant. All I can say is being a person who seems to ALWAYS be late (because I've forgotten something most likely lol) I managed to get there early. AND THANK GOD! The waitress went ahead and sat me. She took me to a booth and asked what I wanted to drink. I stood there with her putting my phone back in my purse as I decided on an ice cold COKE and she walked off. I went to sit down.

I tried to slide in and that shit wasn't happening. I didn't fit in the booth! I tried the other side...I felt like my circulation was being cut off. NO WAY could I sit like this for an hour talking business. Was I really THAT big? I couldn't fit in a damn booth? REALLY? I got up and asked if I could sit at a nearby table instead using some excuse that my party of 2 was most likely going to be a party of 3. My client arrived not aware of anything being wrong. But EVERYTHING WAS WRONG. I don't remember half of what we talked about. My mind kept wondering...

I struggled through the meeting without her even knowing what was up. I kept eying the booth thinking "really? there looks to be enough room...maybe I was just too embarrassed to try harder?" and "well, it is a smaller than normal booth. I sit in booths ALL the time with Bruce (my boyfriend) and I fit just fine...this was a micro booth damnit!"

I gawked as another couple came in and slid right in that booth and looking at the woman, I thought to myself  "oh surly I am NOT bigger than her! NO WAY" not that the lady was grotesquely huge but in MY mind, her pudginess was way more... pudgy than mine. Surely. Right? Right!? I excused myself to the restroom. The lady from the booth walked in as I was washing my hands. We stood side by side in the mirror and I literally looked like TWO of her! Where did this person staring back at me come from? This wasn't the first time I looked in the mirror. I had to look in the mirror to get ready that morning. I knew I had gained weight. I knew my pants from 2 years ago didn't fit. I struggle EVERY SINGLE MORNING when I get ready to find something to wear. I don't ever spend money on myself, so the clothes I have I've had a while with the exception of a dress I just got a few months ago for my grandmothers funeral. I hate shopping because the stores that specialize in my size are so dang expensive and places like Target and Walmart that have a regular womens section, their clothes THEIR size 1x or 2x fit really snug or just dont look right on me. I tell myself "why pay $80 for a pair of pants that are going to be too big soon because I PLAN on losing weight" I know I said that to myself 6 months ago while looking online at one of my favorite stores...

So, I finish up my meeting with my client and we walk outside and part ways at our cars. I wait for her to back out and head towards the red light before I break loose. I cried. I looked in the mirror and I cried. I screamed. I hit my hands on the steering wheel and I had a straight up bitch fit. I drove home in silence. MAD at myself. I got home and I went straight to hunt down our scale and the batteries I took out of it. (lol I had to or I would be weighing myself every day) I weighed myself and I can't even tell you how upset I was. How distraught. How MORTIFIED. This fucking scale is broken. I weighed myself again. That number on that scale came out of NO WHERE. I mean, yeah, I knew I was gaining weight but my weight has always been higher due to me being tall and having muscle. (i think the muscle hides under my fat lol) I knew I was never a "small framed lady" I come from a long line of corn fed thick country girls and that's okay. I was making more excuses.

That scale said 319. yes. 319. Do you know the disbelief I am feeling right now looking at that number in front of me? I'm already in tears. Why the hell did it take me to get to 319 before I had a fucking mental breakdown? Where was I when the scale said 250, 280 or even 295??? I saw those numbers too. Thats why I hid the damn batteries. 319. That image, the horror I felt when I looked down will be with me forever. I will use it as fuel when I feel like giving up. I will use it when I am so damn sick of grilled chicken and broccoli. I will use it when I hit a plateau and its taking longer to see results and I feel defeated. I will use the anger I feel for letting myself get to 319 before I realized I had a huge problem guide me to where I want to be. Healthy. And at 319, I'm NOT HEALTHY. I sat on the bathroom floor and cried like a 2 year old not getting her way. I cried a LOT that week.

Not fitting into a damn booth at a restaurant and seeing those numbers on my scale were my breaking point. The very next day, I went grocery shopping and bought nothing but healthy foods and bottles of water. I cried almost all day and I felt pitiful. The pity stops there. I have to do this. I have to change myself and change my ways. I have to work hard to see a change and I know I can do it. maybe one day, I can rearrange those God awful numbers and my scale will say 139!!! We'll see. :)

Have A Healthy Day!

Wendy <3

Thighs that can start a fire!

Becky is the DEVIL. 

 See… that sweet face… don’t let it fool you! We have been best friends since we were like…12? Inseparable as kids and always said we would marry brothers AND WE DID but we didn’t take into consideration divorce. LOL its okay, it hasn’t affected our friendship one bit. She’s still my “sissy wa-wa”, and always will be!

So, Becky called me asking if I wanted to meet up at 7pm to go walking yesterday and I didn’t feel like changing clothes. I was wearing a long cotton skirt. No big deal, right? Its southern Georgia in the summer...air flow for the swamp ass, right? My thoughts exactly :)

NO. Fat chicks shouldn’t power walk with their fast walking best friend in a damn skirt. My legs were on fire and SHE wouldn’t let me stop!  A quote from yesterday that I yelled at her “My thighs are rubbing together! I gave birth NATURALLY to 4 big headed babies, shouldn’t there be a damn gap there??” LOL I was cussing her up and down in my head. BUT she pushed me and it made me keep on and push harder. I wanted to stop, I wanted to quit, I wanted to freakin’ dropkick her in the face, but she wouldn’t let me. We walked 2 miles and now I have gold bond between my thighs but I did it! :)

That’s Becky, though. If you have the privilege of saying you know her, feel blessed. She doesn’t give up on you. She will encourage you and fuss at you and she believes in you.  I’m thankful for her… even yesterday when it seemed like I could start a fire from my fat legs rubbing together…  she knew I could do it, she believed in me even when I didn’t believe in myself. I love you Becky. 

I am looking forward to the day my thighs don’t rub together… and the day I can RUN 2 miles without stopping and the day I don’t give up on myself… I’m getting there. <3 

 

Gotta go wash some workout PANTS for our walk today… Don’t go walking in a skirt. Ever.

Have A Healthy Day!

<3 Wendy

"What are you doing to get fit?"

So, a lot of people have asked me what I'm doing to lose weight and "get fit" and I guess now is as good of a time as any to explain my choices. I am simply making better choices. Eating smaller portions...Right now, at the start of this journey, I don't really have a plan. I have found that I dont do well with plans. If I'm told "you can only have 1200 calories and you have to exercise for at least 30 minutes a day" I'll FAIL. So, I decided to start this journey out slow... I didn't get fat overnight and I know I'm not going to lose it overnight but the difference is THIS ISN'T A DIET. Its a lifestyle change. Once the weight gone, I NEVER want to see it again. EVER.

Basically, I am eating as clean and organic as possible. If it came from the earth or was grown locally then I eat it. If its packaged in a factory with additives and preservatives then its a no no. Luckily for me, I love fresh fruits and veggies... Sadly, I could eat my weight in bread... ah Logan's Roadhouse Rolls, Red Lobsters Cheesy Garlic Biscuits, PIZZA HUTS PAN PIZZA CRUST... sigh...

see what I mean... ack!

BUT I haven't cut everything out just yet... I'm taking it slow. I still eat cheese (fresh if possible and REAL cheese, not processed) and yogurt (low fat or greek) and REAL butter (actual butter, not vegetable spread) I did switch up my bread to whole grain (totally not the same as Captain John Derst's butter bread or Sara Lee's Raisin Bread with a crap load of butter but I try not to think about that too much. I do like the 15 grain whole wheat by Pepperidge Farms if I have to have bread but I am trying to cut that out as much as possible.

And WATER as much as possible. (No more sweet tea, DAMNIT) No sugar or FAKE SUGAR (like Splenda) but I do use real honey to sweeten stuff. I have a honey obsession and I seriously LOVE the stuff.... I think part of my fattness is attributed to yeast rolls and honey butter. Seriously gonna miss that shit. But its okay. :) I can still have my honey!

I like green tea too. a lot. I started buying diet green tea but I noticed it was sweetened with splenda... for now, I will have one every now and then, but I'll eventually cut that out since I dont like the effects that splenda is said to have on the body.  My goal is to eventually be 100% organic/clean. We will see...

Oh and did you know its so awful to your body to NOT EAT? (my reasons for not really knowing this will be explained in a later, more personal blog) I'm sure you all knew this but I didn't even pay attention. My schedule is so wacky that it was completely normal for me to just eat once a day and to be starving or for my boyfriend to take me out to dinner and I realize I haven't eaten all day and I eat the entire basket of bread brought to the table by myself! I have to train myself to eat more often. I've actually set alarms on my phone to eat. I'll get up from editing (my 18 hours-a-day-sometimes-more job) and grab a bottle of water (or Lipton's diet green tea for now.... I'll probably be very sad when I cut this out because I really love this stuff) and a handful of almonds or some carrots and Greek yogurt ranch mix... I have to eat like 5 times a day now... but SMALLER meals...

I still have so much to learn. I'm getting there. I don't claim to be an expert, I just know what's working for me right now...

Oh yeah, and I'm walking. I'm trying to get up every morning and walk... so far, I suck at that but I promise to get better. I want to go to the gym but with the kids out of school, thats NOT possible right now. So, I have been making plans to meet a friend at a park by my house to walk in the mornings (again, NOT good with plans) but the other day, I literally walked my driveway 5 times (its a long driveway and my dogs looked at me like I was crazy but, hey, it worked) I know I'm going to have to incorporate workouts and I'd LOVE to have a trainer one day... I do hope to train for a marathon eventually but baby steps... don't wanna get burnt out! (or be the fat chick making the ugly hyperventilating face, holding her rib cage because she bit off more than her fat ass could chew! ;) haha

Here are some of my choices for meals and snacks. Maybe they will help someone else.Of course, I eat other things, other healthy choices but these are a few of my favorites. :)

Roasted Cabbage (i can seriously eat the entire head of cabbage by myself. I LOVE THIS STUFF)
I take a head of cabbage and cut it into either thick rounds or wedges and drizzle with olive oil, lemon juice and sea salt and pepper (sometimes a little Worcestershire sauce) put it on a pan and bake it in the oven at like 400F for 30 minutes or so... its probably best if you google it, I suck at recipes... one version says to fry bacon and crumble it and add it but I want to gut punch the person who came up with that idea. (its AWESOME but I can't have it now so blah...) so, for the healthier version, omit the damn bacon... its still really good and I like the crispy brown almost burnt pieces SO much. my fav!

Roasted Bell pepper, squash, zucchini and broccoli (oh this is so good) same as above- NO BACON, olive oil and salt and pepper... I do like lemon juice on mine but its good without it too.

tomatoes, fresh mozzarella topped with fresh basil (yummy)

hummus! (up until last week, I never had it... I tried it and I LOVE IT) I dip pita chips in mine or carrots or a SPOON! :) it really is good.

oatmeal with fresh blueberries and organic granola and organic pecans and/or walnuts and HONEY! :)

apple slices and hazelnut butter. (hazelnut butter is SO awesome! so is almond butter)

guacamole (i make mine fresh and homemade and its so dang good! I use avocado, homemade fresh salsa, plain greek yogurt and sometimes pine nuts.... blend it all up and VIOLA, SO AWESOME! and I've found black bean chips in the organic section of Publix and i LOVE them. REALLY AWESOME SNACK)

fresh pineapple (again, a personal favorite but I can eat the whole thing. I have to stop myself lol)
fresh watermelon, cantaloupe and other fresh fruits

almonds

sweet potatoes peeled, cut into spears (like fries) or rounds and drizzled with olive oil, salt, pepper and honey roasted. and as weird as it sounds, i'll dip it in a scoop of vanilla greek yogurt YUMMY (I sometimes eat this for dinner and nothing else)    

Edemame (ack! I LOVE THIS STUFF!!! but I have yet to make it myself... I will order it when I go to Cheddar's and its so awesome)

smoothies with fresh fruit and skim milk and HONEY ;)

lettuce wraps http://www.southerngirleatsclean.com/?p=608 <<< that's the recipe I use :)

so, I have a few other things I like eating but I'll save that for another date... My "non plan" is probably going to change but right now, this is what I'm doing. It's a start, right? It beats grabbing a bag of doritos and a Dr. Pepper, right? :)

I took some "Before" pictures but I haven't gotten the nerve to post those yet... I'll work on that soon. I actually think I might be posting a whole blog on my before... my clothing size, weight, everything. YIKES. That's scary...

Anyway, thanks for reading. I've got to get back to work! <3

FIRST POST! YAY!

Okay, here is my first post... I'm not good at customizing my blog so if any of you computer savvy people want to help me out, have at it! I would love to make this blog so freakin' awesome that it blows all the other blogs out the water, BUT this will have to do for now... maybe by my next post, I'll have more figured out.

So, here it goes. My name, you all know, is Wendy. Wendy Wells. I am on the road to recovery. Recovery, you ask? Recovery from bad eating habits and no exercising and making excuses and the honest to goodness truth. The cold HARD truth about me. About my food addiction. About how the heck I got to where I am as far as my weight or my size or my unhappiness with myself. Some of these posts won't be pretty and I will probably cuss... A LOT... and I am not going to worry about grammar or improper use of the "dot dot dot" (...) which is my favorite thing to do! LOL! This is mostly just a way for me to deal with the difficulties I will face. Some of these posts will be hard for me to get out. Some will be me complaining. Some will be me bragging because I have EARNED bragging rights! :) You don't have to follow me, you don't have to read this... but if you do, if you are one of my supporters, I just want you to know how much I appreciate you. How much I can't thank you enough for your encouraging words or helpful advise or even your "get your butt up and stop being so lazy, Wendy Wells!!!" :)

Here are a few things about me in general in case you don't know who I am... and maybe even a few things you just might not know if you DO know who I am...

1. I am the mother of 4 beautiful children who are my world. Triston, Nadia, Trevor and Aubrey. I am on this journey because of them. To be better FOR them.
2. I have an awesome boyfriend. He is my rock. He supports me and appreciates me and tells me I'm beautiful every single day. I adore him and he adores me AND my babies. <3 sigh... ;)
3. In 2001 I married my high school sweetheart. We were married for 11 years and in those 11 years a LOT of beautiful things were made (4 of my favorite are listed above) and a LOT of awful words were said and MY confidence was literally crushed. We decided we were better off apart and since then we have both grown to realize that we are much better parents, friends... PEOPLE apart. True story. Everything happens for a reason and I strongly believe good things fall apart so even better things can fall together.
4. I don't regret anything I've ever done. Let me say that again, I DON'T REGRET ANYTHING I HAVE EVER DONE IN MY WHOLE LIFE. Nothing. Everything I've done has made me who I am and gotten me here with the people I have around me.
5. I love my life. I really do. I'm blessed with an awesome family, amazing friends and I'm working hard on my dreams.
6. I am a photographer. I capture memories and freeze moments. I am not the best, I don't strive to be, but I. LOVE. MY. JOB. and I. LOVE. MY. CLIENTS. and if you are one of my clients reading this, please know I appreciate you so very much. Letting me create art through you and your families and your memories is something I hold near and dear to my heart.
7.I am not perfect. I make mistakes and I own up to them. Even if it takes me a little bit. I have learned that along the way and I'm pretty honest about it. I right my wrongs and I work hard to be a good person. 
8. I love people. I love associating with people, meeting new people, being around people and people watching. I love socializing (maybe a little too much sometimes lol) and I love hearing about whats going on in the lives of those I know and love. I enjoy rejoicing in the good times with people and praying and helping through the bad times...
9. I. HAVE. THE. WORST. MEMORY. EVER. ask anyone close to me... example: when I leave my house, as I'm getting in the car, *HANDS DOWN* I have to go back into the house a minimum of 3 times for something I've forgotten. Every time. I forget to call people back, I forget appointments, I have 3 calendars. I am SUPER FORGETFUL. and I apologize for that. I don't know if its because I have so much going on or what but I try to get better. My mind is always racing and I feel like I'm forgetting something all the time... and usually, I am.

I don't really know what else to say... so, I guess the rest you will figure out along the way. :)

below (or wherever blogger decides to put it) is a picture of me. Taken just a few weeks ago... no makeup, broke out skin (ugh I HATE that) getting ready to photograph a wedding... I will have actual before pictures later but for now, this is the beginning. This is me. <3